Realizing
by realized
Summary: Ginny remember how she realized. Femmeslash REEDITED


**AN: Sorry guys, I know I kinda keep reediting this, but I just look through my stuff at times, and if I see some mistakes now, that I might not've seen a while back, I'll edit them. M'kay? Anyway thanks for reading. Now: Back. I've changed some stuff in here.**

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**_Realizing_**

I often have to wonder.

Wondering if I've always _felt_ this way.

I mean, I always knew I was somewhat _different_. Having 6 older brothers will do that to you. I've always been tomboyish. That, I've _always_ known. Like everybody around me. And it's never really been an issue either. Just me being me.

From I was the tiniest little girl, I remember my brothers talking in a hushed voices, so mum wouldn't hear. That was what, most importantly, that made me interested in the first place.

I'd walk right up to them the first times. They'd shut up, of course. Seeing as I was a little girl, that might tell mum, not knowing what I was hearing.

I started to sneak up close to them. Listening to them talk.

I was quite the sneaker. They'd talk about girls_. Always girls_. I was only 6 or 7 at that time, but I got that they liked girls.

At first it was mostly Bill and Charlie that had fun with it. Percy didn't care. He had a valid reason, come to think of it. Being gay and all.

When I started at Hogwarts, I remember meeting my classmates.

How I hated to wear that idiot skirt. Still do actually. I remember girls swishing around, twirling to get the skirt to fly. I watched them, though.

The first friends I had my... well, second year after the Riddle thing, was 2 boys. James and Michael. James was in his 4th year, and Michael in my own.

They, or mostly James, would talk about girls he'd kissed, openly, and I was never disgusted by the ways, some girls might've acted. I was totally okay with it. Sometimes it wasn't Michael, but me that wanted to know more.

My roommates was always so open about going around in a bra and panties, I often turned away from them, afraid to stare.

James finally got tired of me asking how it was like to kiss, (even though I meant, what it felt like to _kiss a girl_). So one day, in my second year, he cornered me in the sofa late at night in the common room. And he kissed me.

A real kiss, with tongue and all. I was surprised. Thinking it was nice I decided I just decided, that maybe this was love.

The day after we were together. A couple. And even if I, in my spare time I'd walk in jeans and my brothers old clothes, looking like the tomboy I really was, he told me I was beautiful. Not because of I was feminine like other girls, but because of the charm I possessed.

He held my interest for about a month. One of my longest relationships. With a guy anyway, though we stayed friends. Maybe it wasn't love after all.

Let's take a trip to my fifth year. I dated Harry, he broke up, and I wasn't all that torn.

I was alright after it. I mean, I guess it was nice, but since I was 13, I knew what I wanted. I wanted to be able to touch curves, that was _interesting_, _mesmerizing_, that made me gasp for breath, made it catch in my throat, made me want to touch it every second, and lust for more. _Ache for more_. Guys just didn't do that to me. They _couldn't_.

I didn't want a guy who only cared and thought with his 'thing', I wanted to love and those feelings, to be returned.

I had two choices, hook up with a gay man, or - you guessed it - a _girl_.

The first girl I kissed, was Cho. We were drunk, and it was in my third year, after the Yule ball, I don't quite know what happened. I ended up ditching Neville, because he kept stepping on my feet, and I walked out to the Garden, Cho might have seen me walk out swearing like a sailor, so she came out after me, asked what was wrong. And I told her. I told her everything. Hard to say why, she was just there? I don't know, I told her, I said I've felt awkward, finding girls attractive, and never felt really for a boy.

That's when I told her that I for example, had found her beautiful all along.

That's when she smiled, and leaned into me, kissing me. And I remember it being so gentle. She didn't drool all over me, grabbed my butt, or try to eat me. It was gentle, nice and well... _sexy_.

It felt like she cared, for me, and that she wanted to show me she felt like me, or at least a bit like me.

I remember, I found most of my female friends, beautiful. Luna, was in her own special way.

Hermione used to make me nervous, and I'd start babbling around her and so on. Hermione was always there for me, and though I didn't know then, she knew. She knew. She'd known all along.

We - Cho and I - had a secret relationship, but after Cedric, she drew back for a while, and wrote to me a lot in the summer. She wrote that she was in love with me, but didn't want it to be official yet. I told her she should stop using me. She wasn't gay. She wasn't even bisexual, and though I loved her, I couldn't be what she might have wanted me to be. A security blanket.

After that we didn't speak again.

I was falling deeply in love with Lavender in my fifth year. Of course, _Ron_ started to date her. That was the reason Hermione got so mad at Ron, when him and Lavender hooked up right in front of me, I guess I brought it on myself.

But instead of me fighting my own battles Hermione, choose to do it for me. I was grateful for that.

In a weekend, Saturday I guess, we were on the outside grounds, and Hermione pulled me away from my friends, towards the lake. We were all alone, and then I didn't understand why, though I do now. She sat me down. She looked very shifty and uncomfortable. "Gin, listen I - I know you're gay. Or at least bi, with a liking for girls. That's why I got so mad at Ron, when it's so obvious that you're in love with the girl."

Have I always been this obvious?

"Hermione - I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid I'd- that you-"

"That I'd what Ginny? I'd never abandon you Gin, I love you, _for you_." That's when she kissed me. "I wished you would have figured me out too."

I was at a loss, why hadn't I found out sooner?

I mean I _knew_, I was and had always been an idiot at times, but this was _big_. I just always thought she had it for another Weasley. _Ron_.

She excused herself, obviously ashamed of herself, and I was stunned. I should have run after her, and told her it was going to be okay, kissed her, just done something. But I didn't. I was practically _nailed_ to the spot.

I confronted her at night in her dorm. She was surrounded by gossiping girls, wanting to tame the wild hair, that was Hermione Granger, so I rescued her.

At first she refused to speak to me, but bit after bit she softened.

Leading her to my 'special place' meaning the astronomy tower. Cho and I had often err... studied there.

I cupped her face, telling her she should have told me sooner, that I was sorry I hadn't seen it.

"I just thought you were in love with Ron, that's what all were saying, and I believed it. Well... I _knew_ that Ron liked you, but you're fartoo good for him. Hell, you're too good for _me_. Are you sure you like me like that? I mean, I don't want you to just try to figure out who you are, leaving me like a cold fish."

"I won't" was all she said. She kissed me, and we kissed for a while, Actually, some thought we had sex that night, but in reality, we just sat and held hands all night till we fell asleep.

We woke up spooning, seeing some third years standing over us.

It was really embarrassing. And at the same time, now everybody knew, what we were.

Gay.

Even Malfoy was okay with it. He tried to talk us into sleeping with him. He'd give us a1000 galleons. I really shouldn't have dated him in my 4th year. _Mistake_.

Hermione and I didn't have sex till she was ready. I've been ready since my fourth year I mean,but I didn't like to rush things. With Hermione that is.

Telling my parents wasn't that hard. I guess they'd known for a while, they took it badly when Percy came out though, but he was always the more feminine one.

I love Hermione, I never get tired of her curves. The way she looks when she sleeps naked. She makes me want her everywhere, when she holds my hand she makes me squirm. I'm so in love with her. I'm afraid she'll realize she could do something better with her life. She a bit on the plain side, but her personality is so charming it makes me ache after her.

But she seems happy. I just hope it'll last forever.

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_Liked my changes? _


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